♪♫ Oh CAAAAA-NA-da… ♪♫

We had a great time on vacation in Canada with Nathan’s parents this last week! We took the kids to the zoo, to see Niagra Falls, the Science Center, and even unintentionally visited an African Lion Safari! Here’s some pics from the trip……..

My nightmare…

I experienced a personal nightmare last Friday afternoon.  We were at a birthday party at The Parks Mall in Arlington. The party was going great and my boys were having so much fun playing on the carousel and overdosing on sugary sweets! Nathan and I were also enjoying being able to spend time with grownup friends from church. J

As the party was winding down, Eli asked if he could ride the carousel one more time. I went up and strapped him onto the horse of his choice and turned around to wait for him where Nathan and Josiah were standing on the other side of the gate. Eli then asked me if I would stay with him while he rode. I thought to myself, “It would be really nice to just enjoy spending this time with Eli.” So I decided to stand next to him while he rode.

I knew Nathan was watching Josiah already, but I still felt the need to text him and make sure he knew to keep an eye on Josiah. You see, I have this tendency to be a bit paranoid about safety when it comes to my children. I texted Nathan but when he didn’t text back I decided to call. No answer. At this point I was kind of annoyed with myself for being so paranoid. “Nathan and I are both adults,” I told myself. “We can both be responsible to watch out for the boys.”

I glanced over at Nathan one more time to put my mind at ease, but when I looked over I saw Nathan’s eyes, big and searching.  My heart sank. I felt like I already knew what had happened. I jumped off the carousel (since Eli was strapped in and next to a mom friend from church and her daughter) and asked Nathan what was going on. My fear had happened—he had lost Josiah. The floor we were on was packed with people, especially since the area we were in was right next to the food court. Nathan and I and some other friends from the party began looking all over the food court and bathroom area trying to find him. As the minutes passed and he still wasn’t anywhere in sight, my heart started to beat faster. My mind began thinking of every horror story I’d ever heard or seen about kids being kidnapped in public places. I didn’t know what else to do except keep searching and praying, “God please help us find him, please help us find him,” over and over. I went all the way across the floor we were on to the escalators and thought there was no way he had gotten that far. I looked anyway. I even started looking at adults, checking to see if they were possibly holding a baby Josiah’s size.

We had been searching for what seemed to me like hours (though it was probably only 5 or 10 minutes) and one friend said that we should probably contact a security guard. At that point it hit me hard that I might not get my son back. It’s always been one of my worst fears that I would lose one of my kids, and Josiah was my baby! The flood of fears came rushing to my mind and I starting thinking thoughts like, “Maybe I’ve always been afraid of losing one of my kids because God wanted to prepare me for this loss.” Or “Maybe that’s why I’ve read books like The Shack. Maybe he wanted to help me be ok with losing a child.” But there is nothing that can prepare a parent for the loss of a child.

Right when I began to feel like hope was sinking, I heard one of our friends calling my name out. They had found Josiah! He had gone all the way across the floor we were on, even further than the escalators, and was near a jewelry store. When our friend picked him up, Josiah just said, “I’m looking for my mommy.” I grabbed Josiah and held him as tightly as I could! A huge wave of relief crashed over me. I felt like I never wanted to let him go.

It’s been three days since that event happened, but when I look at Josiah, sometimes the feelings of fear and loss still grip me. I can’t imagine what some parents have had to go through. I lost my baby for only 5 or 10 minutes and I still feel shaken. How awful must it be for parents who have lost their children for days, months, or forever? How do they ever get over the loss and move on? I don’t think I would ever be able to on my own.

As painful as that experience was, I believe it served as a good reminder to me that life is so fragile. Sometimes it’s very easy to get busy and wrapped up in all the things I’m doing, but there is nothing more precious to me than my God and my precious gift of a family.

So, why BlueViolet?

In kindergarten I had one color I ALWAYS chose from the crayon box.. Blue Violet, of course. Purple was pretty. Violet was nice too. And who doesn’t like Blue?? But man, oh man, the depth of beauty found in the perfection of Blue Violet stole my heart even as a young girl.

Yes, I’m being a bit dramatic. But it is a really nice color, right? See for yourself J

Hello out there!

Since my family and I will be moving to England next year, I figured keeping a blog would be a good way to stay in touch with friends and keep people updated on what’s going on in my life.

I think I’m a pretty open person when I’m talking to someone face to face—but it feels completely different when it’s over the internet! For some reason I even have a hard time doing FB status updates. It feels like if I put something “out there” I can never take it back. Pretty silly, right?

Well I think this blog will be beneficial for me and hopefully I can bring something positive to you as well. J

**The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.**

                                                    -Lao Tzu